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There is nothing I love more than being an American, where I have the right to eat myself fat, drink myself stupid, tell disrespectful jokes about my government, and blame everybody else when something doesn’t go my way. I wave my Red White & Blue every day of the year, and even have it permanently inked on my skin. But, there is nothing more American then celebrating our great nation’s birthday each year by waking up, and wondering what idiot is going to blow themselves to smithereens all in the name of entertainment.

There are all kinds of idiots to make fun of during this Great American Holiday. So, like the fool in this video, escape with ass burns and nut burns instead of a date with the grim reaper.

Yep, they are America’s future. God help us all.

The death machine does find a few people each July 4th. People such as Danialle Barse, a Michigan mom who attempted to set off a three inch mortar. When the explosive didn’t go off right away, what does brainiac Danialle do? She puts her freaking face over the thing to see if there was something wrong. BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE, and off went her head. One round — designed to fly 200 to 300 feet in the air before exploding — hit Barse in the face while the other 25 mortars continued to explode in sequence, keeping rescuers at bay. Services will be held Friday. I bet it’s a closed casket.

In Kansas City, 25 year old Brock Barrett was killed when a four-inch mortar exploded in his face. PEOPLE – STOP LOOKING INTO THE BARREL OF A CANNON TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WENT WRONG!! Why do I picture this guy as I keep reading these articles about fireworks deaths?

Finally in Ohio, Terrance Hough – who was upset at the noise the neighbor’s fireworks were making – decided to use an apparently very low volume gun to shoot three of his reveling neighbors to death, plus injuring two others. Near Seattle, Washington, another man was shot during an argument at a fireworks celebration and died after aid workers trying to help him felt threatened by a hostile crowd. More than 100 people were present when the two men began arguing in a parking lot. Paramedics called after the shooting found the crowd so threatening, they had to quickly take the wounded man out to continue CPR.

In a Detroit suburb, an explosion that could be felt blocks away injured two brothers who authorities believe were trying to make fireworks in a maintenance building at an apartment complex. The men, in their 30s, were in critical condition. “Obviously something went wrong, we’re not sure if it was static electricity or they did something else stupid,” said Oakland County Sheriff’s Sgt. Kevin McCall.