ghoulpool.us ™

Oh, holy hell, how I hate these two “celebrities.”

I have to admit it — I watch reality TV. Not all of it, but I have a few that I tune in to whenever I can. In fact, Tivo is set up for more than a few of them. Survivor, The Amazing Race, The Apprentice, and Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels are all on my Tivo to-do list. I don’t watch many more than that, but my IQ has probably dropped 5 to 10% because of my TV viewing habits.

One thing my reality TV experiences have taught me — seemingly America can’t get enough of Rob & Amber, the oh-so-cute “stars” that met and fell in love on Survivor. I even had a bit of a crush on Amber when she was more like MaryAnn than Thurston Howell. Now?? I’d love to put my foot up her ass.

They even have their own web page for us all to keep up with them. How emasculating that Rob’s website is named after his wife with her maiden name. Grow a set, Rob, and tell that bitch how it is.

So, what does this have about death and ghoulpool? Well, unfortunately, no one dies in this post. Although if I had my wishes, Rob would fall out off a stunt gone wrong while on yet another TV show, and fall squarely on Amber, knocking them both into the pits of reality TV hell known as sitcom re-runs. I can’t think of anything more fitting for these two asses.

Some history for all of you that have more brains than time, and don’t tune into these reality shows like I do. Amber was on Survivor – The Australian Outback in 2001 where she finished in sixth place, and appeared on the cover of Stuff Magazine. Rob appeared on Survivor: Marquesas in 2002, the fourth season of Survivor, where he finished in tenth place. In 2004, Rob returned to compete in Survivor All-Stars, where he formed an early alliance with fellow Chapera tribe mate Amber Brkich that developed into a romantic relationship over the course of the show. In the season finale several months later, Mariano proposed on live TV, and Brkich accepted. Rob finished as the show’s runner-up and Amber was crowned the Sole Survivor.

After Survivor All-Stars is where these two people started really pissing me off. First, they got married and aired their wedding on a two-hour TV special for everyone to puke over. TWO FUCKING HOURS OF ROB AND AMBER’S WEDDING!! I thank God everyday that there are people that tuned into this crap, proving their lives are more meaningless than mine. Not only did they win over a million bucks on Survivor, not someone was paying for their lavish, over-the-top wedding. In 2006, Rob decided to work toward becoming a professional poker player. He and Amber took up residence in Las Vegas, Nevada, and Rob began taking poker lessons from Daniel Negreanu. Thankfully, his “career” is kicking off as poker continues it’s spiral into nothingness.

In 2005, these two reality-sweethearts got into “The Amazing Race.” They showed their true colors in this series: During one leg of the race, the pair drove past the car accident of their fellow racers, brothers Brian and Greg, without stopping. Their fellow competitors all checked in with the brothers prior to continuing on to the next stage of the race. Even though they finished as first losers (second place), they won some more sweet prizes — a trip to the Bahamas, a trip to London, and a trip to Monaco. Then, finally, they took part in The Amazing Race All-Stars, and were the fourth team eliminated, while still showing their sweetness while they secluded themselves from the rest of the racers, and smugly confessed to the cameras that everyone envied them and loved to hate them because they are so awesome.

Reportedly, Rob & Amber have a “secret project” they are developing for TV. One can only hope it’s a game that forces them into death-inducing challenges each and every week, and runs until natural selection finally gets even with these two. I hope it’s an incredibly short run. Our luck, it’s these two beauty queens decorating their nursery for an upcoming devil spawn, bred solely to piss off future generations of TV viewers.