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Rosie O’Donnell announced today that she is quitting The View. And somehow, this is national news almost as important as Anna Nicole’s baby killing a paparazzi lawyer. What the hell.. it beats talking about rising fuel costs, immigration issues, and the War on Terror. News today has become the new sitcom for Americans — please feed us just enough that we can swallow with 22 minutes, plus commercials.

So, as I understand it, this fat pig Rosie was looking for more money from ABC, and ABC said “We don’t pay our hot people that much money, why would we give to a troll?”

Let’s take a look at her contributions to the American public:

• She thinks all gun owners should go to prison (April 19, 1999, The Rosie O’Donnell Show). In 2000, her bodyguard applied for a permit to carry a concealed weapon.
• She hates Catholics. She has stated that there is no difference between radical Christians and radical Muslims, she has ridiculed the Eucharist (on two separate occasions), falsely claimed that the Pope was in charge of policing miscreant priests since the 1980s and did nothing about them, when in fact he did not hold such position until 2002, has mocked priestly celibacy, also mocked the Catholic teachings on the Bible and the Virgin Birth, and has complained about too many Catholics on the high court. [just a note — I’m not Catholic, and I don’t care what another person thinks about religion, but I just wanted to add fuel to the fire).
• She thinks Clay Aiken’s hands aren’t very dirty, even though he is gay. Which means that Kelly Ripa, who is 1,000,000% hotter than Rosie by the way, hates Bert & Ernie.
• She made a comment in December 06 in reference to the publicity an appearance on The View by Danny DeVito had garnered. O’Donnell indicated that she was amazed that the controversy had become such a prevailing topic, and joked that it was being talked about as far away as China. “You know, you can imagine in China it’s like, ‘Ching-chong, ching-chong. Danny DeVito. Ching-chong, ching-chong-chong. Drunk. The View. Ching-chong.’” I guess if she called them nappy-headed chongs, she would have been fired.
• She thinks Miss America women are too pretty, and have already been given too many chances. Why give them one more if they make a mistake? She then said she was better looking that The Donald’s hair, which led to a WWE Steel Cage Match.
• Decided that the British sailors captured were just faking it to get attention, and trap Iran into a war.
• She has also used her education as a physics engineering student to declare that the World Trade Centers couldn’t have fallen like that by accident. It must have been intentionally blown up to cover up the financial problems of Enron and WorldCom.

I wish I could make this stuff up. But, no one needs to when the woman whom Shrek was modeled after comes up with it all for us.

Let’s just hope that her career responds the same way a penis would if it ever came in contact with her ‘No Entry’ tattoo under her pubes — whither up and die.

I would think about adding her to The List, but good things like that never happen.