ghoulpool.us ™

April 20th is indeed a cursed date in history. Everyone and their dog knows about the two most cited events of this date is history: 1) Adolf Hitler was born in 1889, becoming the most famous advertisement for pulling out early ever, and 2) the Columbine High School massacre in 1999. But, certainly, there are other events that occured on April 20th that prove it is the most cursed date in history.

• 1792 – France declares war on Austria, the beginning of French Revolutionary Wars (did the French really deserve to be free?)
• 1836 – U.S. Congress passes an act creating the Wisconsin Territory (besides cheese, what has Wisconsin ever given us? The Green bay Packers?? Please….)
• 1914 – Seventeen men, women, and children die in the Ludlow Massacre during a bitter Colorado coal-miner’s strike
• 1961 – Failure of the Bay of Pigs Invasion of US troops against Cuba
• 1967 – A Swiss Bristol Britannia turboprop crashes at Nicosia, Cyprus, killing 126
• 1968 – A South African Airways Boeing 707 crashes during takeoff at Windhoek, South-West Africa, killing 122
• 1978 – Korean Air Flight 902 shot down by Soviets
• 1992 – Benny Hill died
• 2004 – In Iraq, 12 mortars are fired on Abu Ghraib Prison by insurgents, killing 22 detainees and wounding 92
• 2004 – In Utica, IL 9 people were killed when an F3 tornado hits downtown

These are all bad things, but I have to point to the two most devestating events to occur on this date. The proof is insurmountable that this is a day that shall ever be cursed.

in 1976, actor Joey Lawrence was born. Forever after, generations will be forced to endure “Whoa” comments by his character Joey Russo on ‘Blossom’. Note that the real Joey Lawrence needed a character using his same name, so as to not forget when people were talking to him on TV. A fitting observation of his intelligence. Later, he further poisoned television audiances with his performances on ‘Dancing with the Stars‘ — begging the question… who in the hell decided that Joey was a star to begin with? The Onion carelessly caused a celebration when it printed an article declaring him dead in a November publication. Alas, it wasn’t true.

The second event happened in 1979. A Killer Rabbit attacked our 39th President, Jimmy Carter. I stole the following language from Wikipedia, just so every knows.

Carter had gone on a solo fishing expedition in his hometown of Plains, Georgia when the rabbit approached his boat, “hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared and making straight for the president”, trying desperately to enter the boat, causing Carter to flail at the swimming creature with the oars from his boat.

Thus, Carter become the biggest doofus in our country’s presidential history, bypassing Jerry Bumbling Ford, Tricky Dicky Nixon, vacuum-inventor Herbert Hoover, and Millard Fillmore, who I forgot was a President.

A couple of good things happened on this day in history, so maybe there is hope:

• Carmen Electra was born, giving tattooed black men everywhere that they could nail a Playboy Playmate.
• The holiday National Smoke Marijuana Day, where many potheads smoke marijuana on April 20th, in keeping with the expression four-twenty. This has become a way to protest the criminalization and prohibition of marijuana use and possession.
• My oldest child was born in 1995, proving that at least one woman on this earth found me at least passable enough to reproduce. Happy Birthday, Alex!!