ghoulpool.us ™

There’s thin, there’s skinny, then there’s OH MY GOD EAT A DAMN SANDWICH! I was watching repeats of “A Simple Life” the other night (admit it — you wish you were me), and I was watching Paris and Nicole do their bitchy little thing. It got me to thinking about those rag-mag pictures I’ve seen of Nicole looking like a skeleton wearing a skin suit. And that got me thinking “Why do these damned women think we like bangin’ bones on a body like that?” Now, I like me a think woman as much as the next guy, but there is no way I want to see ribs like that unless I’m barbecuing up a meal.  Read more... (347 words, 3 images, estimated 1:23 mins reading time)

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So, soda contains a chemical that can kill you. Blah, blah, blah. As if the saccharin in your iced tea, the alcohol in your drink, the nicotine in your smokes, and the MSG on your Chinese take out wasn’t bad enough.

So, now some damned Brits want us to believe that soda – and yes, they even mean diet soda – is bad for us. You’ve got to be freaking kidding me. Don’t they know that the very technological backbone of our economy is fueled by geek engineers guzzling Mountain Dew??

Here’s the scientific explanation:  Read more... (518 words, estimated 2:04 mins reading time)

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Some see him as a hero, some see his as a proponent for human dignity, and some see him as a murderer. However you see him, he is leaving prison after serving more than 8 years of a 10 to 25 year sentence. His lawyer has been fighting for his release for the last several years, stating that Kevorkian is near death himself, and deserves to die in private.

Six players have him listed in their Ghoulpool lists (www.ghoulpool.us), including me. Assuming he dies this year, he also earns us some bonus points because he is not yet 81. In fact, he is only 79, which means he still will earn me bonus points if he doesn’t die this year and I add him to next year’s list as well.  Read more... (348 words, estimated 1:24 mins reading time)

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It all started with a series of bad decisions, and a kid who couldn’t seem to understand the warning signs.

Josh Hancock, the St. Louis Cardinal’s pitcher who had been in a fender-bender a few days earlier, drank too much, was speeding late at night, talking on the phone, not wearing his seatbelt, and was in possession of a small amount of marijuana. He was almost twice the Missouri BAC legal limit. And he apparently never saw the huge tow-truck with flashing lights and (allegedly) a blaring horn. He hit so hard that reports continue to make the rounds that he was decapitated by the accident.  Read more... (467 words, estimated 1:52 mins reading time)

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None of this pansy crap for these guys. Here’s a short list of some guys that just stepped up, and left this world in a way that proves their manliness. I can guarantee you one thing — no one on this list would dared have died by laughing too much.

Vic Morrow, actor, was decapitated by helicopter blade during filming of “Twilight Zone: The Movie” and was killed instantly in 1982. This takes beheading to a whole new level.

 Read more... (372 words, estimated 1:29 mins reading time)

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Don’t kids today know they have to be famous before they make it on anyone’s GP list? It seems as though kids today are begging to be put on a list and then help someone score big. I’d love to pick them personally. They are young. They seem to want to die foolishly and not many people will pick them. I figure if I could select “Someone on the Preakness Infield” with my #1 name next year, you might as well send me the first place money right now. Take a look at what kids were doing on the infield of the second leg of the Triple Crown this year.  Read more... (453 words, estimated 1:49 mins reading time)

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Cyberchondria. No, it’s not cyber-syphilis. It’s not even mail order Herpes Simplex 7. As hard of a word that is to spell, it has a pretty simple definition.

A cyberchondiac is a simpleton, err – make that a person, who uses the Internet to indulge their hypochondria. Put in layman’s terms, a person who either self-diagnoses a disease, or creates diseases based on what he reads online.  Read more... (488 words, 1 image, estimated 1:57 mins reading time)

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Back to Back to Back to Back. That is what I was shooting for this year. I’ve had a good run at the ‘ol Ghoul Pool winning the last 3 years. Here we are, almost at the half way point and I am almost 300 points back from the leader. I’m even losing to Dr Death! I thought I was golden this year. So many obvious choices. I mean really, how long can Castro hold on while sucking down those Cuban cigars. I think he is already dead and the Cubans are just not telling us. Bastards. Ariel Sharon has not taken a breath on his own accord in months. Anyone willing to pull the plug on this guy? No? Something about killing a war hero Prime Minister strikes folks as bad. Brooke Astor is 187 years old and still playing rugby apparently. You mean to tell me God couldn’t have taken Billy Graham instead of Jerry Falwell? What’s the difference besides one is on my list and the other is not? Now there is word that Tammy Faye is going to be dead before I am done writing this. More points for others while I stand by idly and watch. One good thing, at least I am not the mortician in charge of making Tammy Faye look ‘natural’. Do you figure the mortician would think that job was easy or difficult? On one hand they can just slop some shit on her face and call it day. She’ll look the same way she always has. One the other hand, it will probably take them 42 hours to do her face. I hope they pay over-time.  Read more... (473 words, estimated 1:54 mins reading time)

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You all know the biggest douche in America, right? Fred Phelps. You’ve heard of him? Phelps, who preaches that “God hates fags,” “God hates America” and outspokenly celebrates all the deaths of people who died as a result from the attacks on 9/11 and the soldiers and civilians in the Iraq War.

I’m probably missing some here, but here’s a list of groups that Phelps hates: Jews, homosexuals, Roman Catholics, Muslims, soldiers, victims, pedophiles (OK — he got that one right), convenience store owners, taxi drivers, NBA players, strippers, geeks, nerds, and probably midgets.

And somehow, he hates Jerry Falwell.  Read more... (372 words, estimated 1:29 mins reading time)

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It looks as if Tammy’s third battle with cancer will be her last. Her doctor has stopped treating her cancer, allowing it to go according to God’s plan I suppose. She also only weighs 65 pounds right now. My guess is she is the second televangalist to go this month.

Tammy was a very popular pick this year in Ghoulpool, being selected by 10 of the players. All that means is that there will be a bunch of pissed off players who don’t have her when she kicks it. I have her as my #1 pick, so I’m looking for a good score on this one. In fact, she’ll bring me 80 points.  Read more... (188 words, 1 image, estimated 45 secs reading time)

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